money is such a strange thing. it is at the base of so much stress in the world, while providing at the same time a conduit for enjoyment (at least construed) as unparalleled in today’s balanced chaos. the reason i mention it, is because after thier divorce, my parents fiscal situations have evolved, yielding in turn, a different mentality toward me with regard to money. my mom, with her partner has developed a role in a business that affords her more luxaries than she was previously used to. for me this (being one of many factors) means that she is really eager to endorse me in my various adventures. her partner too, has made it clear that he has an interest in supporting me. my father brings another part of the balance to the picture in his situation. still working hard and with less fiscal comfort, he encourages me to seek out things that will empower me to make it for myself. i’m pretty sure it has as much to do with his own selfless desires for me as it has to do with his own situation and of course, many other factors. in the past my mother seems to have had more experience at ensuring i am supported in the way she sees fit. however, as my father has (it seems at times) scrambled to educated himself on how to fit into our lives in a whole new way, he has become more adament about being able to feed us his vision in equal ammounts. what has brought these thoughts to the page is my latest action. just being out of school (which, i think is the last fiscal decision my parents ever concurred on) has been a tremendous stress on this balancing act between which to feed from. the distincion i think, has never been so distilled. he wishes that i come back to chicago, let him subsidise my living by taking residence with him while working to earn some money toward the end of supporting myself financially on the adventures i would like to take. whether that is kayaking across the country, traveling to foregin places or being gamefully unemployed for a period of time. she has expressed a vision of me staying in vermont and at her fiscal expense usurping all knowledge i can from working on the afore mentioned cerridwen farm.
his desire to have me close is understandable, he has not made a situation more desireably a kin to my mother’s until recently and so he has reason to desire our physical presence in his life. this is not to say i or my siblings are at a stage where we are willing to give it.
it is difficult because i see both parts in myself. my desire to be out of the house is strong. in addition, i also want to be increasingly financially independant. they both want me to keep learning, they both want the best for me, but what that is has evolved into the debate. I can’t say right now, more thoughts on that later.