I’ve spent so much time in my life trying to identify myself. I’m unique god-dammit. So much time divorcing myself from the things that allow others to know stuff about me, things that might otherwise give them reason to not even meet me.
I remember getting to a point in my young adulthood where I prayed regularly—an image of a man that was listening to my emotions, caring for me when eleven years of life was just a little too much to handle.
Then that faith was given a black eye. I started to learn about the concepts of lemmings—bleached souls, indignant to curiosity and everything that was challenging—and all the hurt they cause. Undriven, might as well be dead. I wasn’t that. I would never be that. I would never have religion. Dead weight for my hare’s energy. So I let my hair go, and it ran long. Assumptions became rampant and predictable (or so I assumed), almost fun to anticipate. I devoted myself to everevolutionism. Antisedentaryism. Perpetualchangeism. Ispitinthineface(inthemostsubtleofways)ism.
In the rubble, wake, and debris of so many recent travesties to my fellow genus; 2792, 190, 27963, 756, 118000, thousands dead. I am compelled to stop and think about those in more dire situations than me. Ponder their woes, sympathize with what is difficult about their struggle for happiness and take action as my compassion drives me.
I dedicate my life to compassion. Representation of those less considered. Amplification for those not listened to. Tears for those less appreciated—I love reminders. Stop. Relax. Be. It’s a lot of fucking fun man.
When I start to identify with those souls I can’t help but feel companionship. A big-picture moment to breath. I feel almost spiritually connected around the notion that I’m not so unique that I, we, do have support in this struggle. See… we’re all in this together. I tell myself. Those words have already lost their meaning, but for a second I understood what I meant.
“Keep her in your prayers†she said. My usual scoff, normally quick to defend it’s territory, is caught off guard. Perhaps recently put off, by something from within. An emotion not anticipated (not even batman can think of everything). For a second I ponder the implications me… pray? I guess that’d be unique.
i love you