beleaguering ennui

thinking today (i know… that’s dangerous) and there are advantages to taking on brooke’s position. it’d be secure, for that year. i’d be able to stay on campus and continue working on this community that i’ve invested so much time and energy into already. i’d be able to be around tb’s newly born. i’d have free room. i’d be able to stick with the frisbee team for a while longer. i’d be able to maintain my friendships with piglett and tim a little easier. in addition finally and i feel most importantly, another thing i hadn’t thought of until yesterday was the fact that faculty are allowed to bring on their dogs, and the thought of bringing annie up to live with me especially now that she’s in her later years, is a really attractive thought.

i miss her completely. she is so much a part of me yet i have not been with her. at times i think that maybe i don’t know her. maybe she isn’t with me, but then, every time i go home, i see her and i know we belong to each other. sometimes it is an uncomfortable first thought, that of one belonging to each other, but i believe it wholeheartedly and it feels good. i am sad at times; i want her here, not tied up in a household where only half appreciate her. living eleven months in a cave. i want her to be happy like every summer that she’s able to spend at the cabin. i see her laying in the sun, a bed of decomposed granite and sticks, lavishing in every degree of heat she soaks up. she lives everything around her with beauty and respect. she smiles balance on the world and loves us simply.
to all my (portland, or) people… check out the bands below:
http://www.holopaw.net/
http://www.ironandwine.com/
they are playing together at the venue below in se portand.
http://www.holocene.org/
Ani DiFranco – Wed 7th Apr 2004 Arlene Schnitzer Hall
Greg Brown – Fri 6th Aug 2004 Oregon Zoo Amphitheater

man oh man, what to do. firstly i cannot fathom the fact that i am graduating. of course that’s come up before, everyone says, "time flies" etc but i was walking over to piglett’s house tonight and started thinking about times we spent freshman year on our floor. we played grand theft auto on conrad’s computer, or we’d go over to north and hang out in his then girlfriends room. i never really thought about whether or not i’d be graduating from here. there were the cool upper classmen who were not assholes and so became instant buddies. there was shawn the ra who always seemed somehow above us in every regard. tim downstairs with his girlfriend, they were younger, not married, and both had short hair. piglett would be drunk every now and then. i’d visit his room and he’d have that swaggering gaze that looks at you like an anchor. balance when the room is spinning. words laborious at every turn. "how did you know" he’d say with so much effort. "i can just tell" i said.

now i quickly come upon that date whence i’m supposed to get another piece of paper that licenses others to treat me like an adult. yet to that question of what next, i seem to be at a loss for the ability to exorcize all the skills i’ve learned over the last 16 years. man it’s late, more after sleep.
Learn your sails and boat types
Learn to build a kayak

wow frisbee in georgia, it was awesome. a week of being outside, frisbee, ocean, beach, people and fun. it was definitely neat being in savannah too because it is the first old southern city i’ve been in. i’ve been to orlando, and DC, but other than that, most of the traveling i’ve done in the south, has been to visit either more recently developed urban areas, (most of florida), or the “natural attractions” such as the ozarks, appalachians, sinkholes, keys, etc. savannah is old like new england, but settled with more french and spanish influence than english and dutch. it is just neat because i’ve not had much exposure to this part of american heritage. huge old walnut trees adorned in spanish moss rivals the magnificence of central park’s american elms or chicago’s oaks, while also filling what i’m sure is an ever present need for shade during most times of the year (however, fortunately for us, not this time of the year). the weather was amazing. most days were clear skies with a few exceptions. it rained once, and not without invitation. the lack of clouds made for predictably beautiful sun rises and as much as i am aware of the larger scaring effect of beachfront housing on the coast, i must say it was nice to be able to wake up, and look out over the ocean. and then if i choose, walk down the stairs on to the beach to watch the sun rise over the salty water.

by the way, frisbee rocks my world. the people are, with a few exceptions, all about having fun. and that is awesome. no refs, coaches, whistles, all fun. plus the sport is fun. where else can you come off the field having just played three games straight and then play marriage, parachute and horse, pokie, or rock paper scissors with the team that you just met, were beat by and are now drinking beers with? If ever there was a game that stood out as quintessential american, i would have to say ultimate frisbee is it. with fervor for life, we play, with fun we live.