beleaguering ennui

geesh, a lot has breathed through my daily ocean of existence since the 5th… it’s funny how to anyone reading this that doesn’t have any other sort of interaction with me, might be tempted to believe that nothing happens between these moments, which i attempt to be so candid about, or better yet they are invited to draw black and white single line sketches connecting the dots. this is me believing that my temporally random interjections are somehow akin to a the colourful painting of the dot. however the end of schooled life as i know it is quickly approaching. i am currently taking a (preemptive) break from working on my last large paper, which i’m thinking will be worthy enough when finished to post here. today marks a special day for me, for today is the day i have gone to and returned from burlington to pick up the newest addition to my arsenal of musical weaponry. the seagull s12+ will earn a name soon enough, although right now my fingers are too tender to be typing, let alone let alone trying to name it. some subjects to possibly come back to at a later point whence i feel more academically productive:
touch on above events (Ryan’s reading)
interesting encounter(s) with jeffrey grabelski
women of late
goodnight stranger… maybe sometime you’ll be inspired to tell me what your sketched-lines-between-the-dots look like. i’m curious.

no personal insight today, just a note to say i’ve got my gallery from spring break up, as well as another addition to the project page… which reminds me that i need to put in the rest of those documents.for easter break i’ll be going to visit anna in portland, me and i’m really excited. this’ll be my first time to maine, so i’ve been busy trying to figure out where else i’d like to visit while i’m there.…okay, so that was early this morning, or late last night but now is now (about 11:05p) and just felt like writing. i’ve not spent much of any money (for me) on CDs this semester, it was a conscious effort on my part toward an end of course… recognizing that (as mom’s favorite adage goes, when you choose to spend your money on one thing it means it isn’t available for something else… so i decided to go for that something else and i’m failing miserably! for quite some time i’ve had the desire/mild intention to get a 12 string guitar, not just any, but a seagull, handmade in quebec, from fallen, aged wood harvested by permission of her majesty from the canadian forests. now that’s all well and good, but i’m also a frugal man (or at least fancy myself that on occasion) and so again the seagull won out with a company intention of keeping the instruments high quality while not investing gobs in advertising, in turn beefing up the price. well good, it’s somewhat ecologically sound, economically sensible, however, i’ve never really set aside the money with any intention until now. well i’m ready, i’ve got the money all saved, the store picked out, however i seem to be unable to make this happen. you’d think it easy, i call the store and say i want to give you money and then they accept with big grins and flying colors, but no. john at calliope music in burlington is perhaps the slacker i’ve ever met. really, i’m surprised the business is not failing. but then i realized that this is not the first music store that has not taken me seriously/been a bunch of slack asses. when i was in prescott last spring, i started this process, and the shop down there seemed incapable of making a phone call. neither to me nor their distributor. i think i went in three separate times before i gave up knowing i’d leave for the semester before they got the actual guitar in stock (it’s a special order). with john, i’ve called at least four or five times now. he knows me by name, what i want, when i want it, he also knows i’m waiting to give him the credit card number. i mean seriously! how does that work? essentially i say i’m ready to give you money now and he in essence says no. it might as well be illegal for me to have this guitar with how difficult it’s proving to be. it was early march when i told him i was ready to order, he just needed to check with his rep on the timeline, lordy.

exciting things coming up for me (:
7th-12th of April – going to visit anna clay brandt in portland, me
17th of April – Sectionals in Amherst, MA
18th of April – Tortoise is playing at the higher ground
20th of April – Damien Rice and the Frames @ the higher ground
19th?-23rd? of April – Samuel is visiting also earth week, also the time when the bikes will be unleashed… ssshhh
23rd of April – poetry slam put on by us in writer’s club
24th of April – our tournament, also the night Blackalicious is playing here on campus
5th of May – the newest addition to the hughes-muse family is due
15th of May – Commencement-the end(?) of 16 years of formal schooling… oh man that’s a topic for later i’m afraid.

the other day i was thinking about the fact that with the sporadic nature with which we talk, and the agreement we made to try to not withhold certain facts, it was feeling at the time like the primary reason for talking became to report when we had made out with someone else. the thought of having that be a centerpiece to an already distant relationship was an almost laughable thought to me, when i picked up my phone to receive a message from this splendid sole. on the way back from mass last weekend, i got to thinking about our last summer spent together, and how much fun it was… oh excuse me, i get into the sentimental moments sometimes.

summer time
looking for life
we got in the car
one and a half hours pursuing the sun after noon
the ocean is a splendid thing.

no conscious intentions to direct
a left turn
up river to a nice little spot in the middle
the rocks call the water eddy
while we recite kerouac

we are dharma bums
happiness is all that drives you and.

as the rest of the earth begins to hide us from the sun
the dizzying thought makes me look away
yeah, this is love
but then as in any cycle
i come back around.

ocean to

rain to
lake to
river to
ocean to
life as we know it
run through a digital coffee filter
keys
indicate precisely what i mean to say
your sincerely.

spilling my thoughts onto the page in front of me
ralph is what my theo-saurus tells me
more of a verb than a proper noun
wound round this extra long neck of a sentence
from this ever evolving dinosaur.

perhaps my thoughts are all silly
metal clashing with my every inkling
until i cannot sleep anymore.

Why does green mean go
or blue mean cold, sad and lonely, freedom
why does red equal blood, stop, exit, bad, fast and hot
while black is absorbing, omnipotent, dead.

summer time
looking for life
we got in the car
one and a half hours pursuing the sun after noon

the ocean is a splendid thing.